How can so much time have passed.  How can I be moving on?  I know it's what happens, and the best way to preserve your legacy: to live my life to it's fullest.

So odd. Your memory is so fresh and so distant at the same time.   I hope you are in Peace.

I'm coming down there today. I would love a visit. I will kiss your daughter on the dome for you. I will give your buddy a hug for you. Maybe i can get one of those crazy breakfasts for you. I will need your help to finish it though! I hope you're there cause you sure aren't here. I miss you, I need you and your help. There is somebody you need to meet.

Love Kris

Oh Brad, you are so needed here. Still. There are things I need your help with and you aren't here.

Another year is coming. This should be an interesting one. I know this last one has been full of some crazy stuff.

You know where you're needed. Step in. Help this mess. Or, maybe you already are.

Miss you little brother, no less, just more. The scales are tipping and the balance is all off now. We need you here.

Kris

I remember your laugh. Your own unique laugh.

I remember the endless variety of smiles you had. Some of them very misleading. They were so you.

I remember your big bald head. Wish I knew then the amount of knowledge it was holding.

I remember your blankie.

I remember the damn Legos I always stepped on. Funny how I no longer am aggravated when I think of it.

I remember the last day I saw you, I was so pleased at you laughing at my jokes.

I remember feeling like a normal person. Not any more.

 Brad, 

Maybe I need to write this. I can't get over you not being here. You influenced me more than anyone I've ever met. I was always honored to be counted among you trusted friends. We became so very close so fast. When we began hanging out together, we realized that we needed each other. We would stay up all night explaining our philosophies on anything and everything to each other ...

Time goes by. It just keeps going. It feels like it is going faster and faster since April 2008. Like time is pushing me away from you, like I am supposed to start running. Strange. I am becoming resentful at the pain. It just follows me around like a fly. I have my book though. The notebook that gets to hold it. I  have been writing in it for two years now.

I went today to Brad's apartment and left red and white flowers. The red and white symbolize the purity, life, vitality and love he had.

I still think this will get better. If I keep trying, I will find a way to fix this. He is going to call. I can still hear his voice, clear as day in my head. Still hear his heh heh heh laugh. I still get mad at him. I still get sad. I still laugh at him. Well, ok, Brad, I am laughing with you!

Sure wish he could stop by soon though

The picture is complete. We are not.

It's lonely here with no new stuff. I still come here every single day. Truly, every single day. I keep hoping something got added, pictures from the St Louis show, something new. We cannot get to the day when there is nothing new. Email anything you got. Anything.

More to come later today, we all know what today is. Today is ........

Today- is the last day I saw my Brad.

It seems like only two months. The pain is as bad as it always is, and yet as this time approaches, I could tell that my heart hurt - more?

How could it hurt more. And yet there is a difference. My stomach is tight and I feel worse and worse. I'm crying even more. I'm yelling even more - NO!  WE MISS YOU!  WE NEED YOU!

DON'T!  I'm half afraid to scream "Come Back", in case he has reached some Peace, but, sometimes it slips out.