Everyone has the right to build and cherish a private library

Chicago Book Bike

Kris is having trouble with the site and asked me to post this.  But, I'd have posted it too if I found it first.

Bikes and Books.




Priests and Sausage

Priests and Sausage

Well, I am sure I will be in trouble for that one.

On Saturday we all went to Brad’s apartment to leave flowers and say a prayer for him. Mom has gone every year, Mari has gone one year, and I have not made it once.  I was pretty nervous about going back there, I really wasn’t sure what it was going to be like.

I first must explain a little history behind the whole thing about going this time, since it has a lot to do with how everything turned out.

Videos! We have video!

Look! It's Brad in Eating Rats! Kate ran into Keith who I guess told her where to find them. Something along those lines. I am so thrilled I can hardly talk. To see him move and hear his voice. What an awesome thing. This is the best thing ever!

How can it be so long?

How can so much time have passed.  How can I be moving on?  I know it's what happens, and the best way to preserve your legacy: to live my life to it's fullest.

So odd. Your memory is so fresh and so distant at the same time.   I hope you are in Peace.


Comin' To St Louis

I'm coming down there today. I would love a visit. I will kiss your daughter on the dome for you. I will give your buddy a hug for you. Maybe i can get one of those crazy breakfasts for you. I will need your help to finish it though! I hope you're there cause you sure aren't here. I miss you, I need you and your help. There is somebody you need to meet.

Love Kris

Wish you were here

Oh Brad, you are so needed here. Still. There are things I need your help with and you aren't here.

Another year is coming. This should be an interesting one. I know this last one has been full of some crazy stuff.

You know where you're needed. Step in. Help this mess. Or, maybe you already are.

Miss you little brother, no less, just more. The scales are tipping and the balance is all off now. We need you here.



I remember your laugh. Your own unique laugh.

I remember the endless variety of smiles you had. Some of them very misleading. They were so you.

I remember your big bald head. Wish I knew then the amount of knowledge it was holding.

I remember your blankie.

I remember the damn Legos I always stepped on. Funny how I no longer am aggravated when I think of it.

I remember the last day I saw you, I was so pleased at you laughing at my jokes.

I remember feeling like a normal person. Not any more.

I remember when you were not in my head, all day, every day. It was okay to not think of you. 

I remember when this kind of stuff did not happen to us. It wouldn't happen to us.

I remember when I felt safe when you were here. Now I learned to feel safe because nobody can hurt me worse than you.

You took so much from us when you left, and you have no idea.

If I could only tell you the things that are still piling up inside of me. There is so much I need to say to you. So many things that have happened you should know about.

What can I say?


Maybe I need to write this. I can't get over you not being here. You influenced me more than anyone I've ever met. I was always honored to be counted among you trusted friends. We became so very close so fast. When we began hanging out together, we realized that we needed each other. We would stay up all night explaining our philosophies on anything and everything to each other ...

I don't think I'm ready to write this... The pain is truly impairing me. I just want one more of our conversations together in the early morning hours. One more show together. One more trip to the library to cut out photos of art we like. I want you to be here. I need you to meet my daughter and husband. I need for you to be more than my memories and the stories I tell. 

Feels so fast

Time goes by. It just keeps going. It feels like it is going faster and faster since April 2008. Like time is pushing me away from you, like I am supposed to start running. Strange. I am becoming resentful at the pain. It just follows me around like a fly. I have my book though. The notebook that gets to hold it. I  have been writing in it for two years now.

I miss you Brad. I miss you so much. I really thought you would be back by now. I am sorry I have not fixed this yet. I need to talk to you. There is so much going on and I want to tell you. Emily needs you. She needs you so much right now. I feel like I am sinking. Slowly sinking. I have so much going on right now that I cannot sit still for more than a few minutes, a day. It almost awes me how buried I am. So much to do. I guess keeping busy is what keeps me afloat. When I stop, you fill my head. Right now, I am stopped. It hurts. Sometimes, I am so so mad at you. Why did you take the risk? Why did you do this. This is such a mess and I can get it cleaned up, I can't fix it. But I am the repair man and I am supposed to find a solution. I can't find it.

Went to Brad's

I went today to Brad's apartment and left red and white flowers. The red and white symbolize the purity, life, vitality and love he had.

Syndicate content