Brad's on a road trip to Seattle. He spent most of his ride on the dash so he can see the scenery and every once in a while I ask him "You really think you could have ridden your bike across country in this?". Maybe it's Brad giving me a nudge? But I have this sudden need to stand in Shorty's bar with him. It's a place he really had fun in and enjoyed friends, so we may try to go there. Part of Brad is going to rest in the mountains out there next to the pristine mountain stream. 

  Hard day. Not that any of them are easy anymore. We are so grateful to the ones from St. Louis who were able to come for Brad's services, and appreciate the ones who wanted to but couldn't.  We are so glad for the people Brad cared about, liked or loved and the people who care about, like or love him. Thank you for what you gave him and what you allowed him to give you. You mean a lot to us as individuals, not just as "one of Brad's friends".  You will be in my prayers as long as I am here. We really hope we can see you all again sometime when we are in St.

 This year as well as flowers, I lit guardian angel candles at 2258 W. 18th Place. I know the landlord puts the flowers in front of his door and I also know they'll light the candles for him. He will always deserve the tears a mother sheds for him. We still wish you were with us. 

I Love you and Like you,

Mom

Brad, talk to Emily your daughter needs..............................

 You loved hanging around in the bookstore and browsing. I wish you had hung around long enough to read those books you bought that day. 

Brad Loves road trips. :)) Thank you. 

 Happy Birthday Braden. 

I miss you. The empty place isn't getting any smaller-it just keeps getting bigger and emptier.  I am so sorry Son.  You should be living your life.  I am still aware of you, you are with me constantly. You, Marianne, Kristin and Patrick. It's always been that way, it will always be that way and I will still always worry! 

I love you and I like you,

Mom

Brad gets a full moon for his birthday! or..........maybe he gave us a full moon. 

 Hey man, I could use some advice here. Or one of our 3+ hour conversations or something. Smmething? Help me out. I really do not want to see what is at the end of the rope but I am losing my grip. Pick up the phone and call me. 

So my friend from wyoming kept calling me today during work. And I was thinking why would she keep calling me if it wasn't an emergency. And then she texted me telling her to call her ASAP and so i did and I havent spoken to her in a longlonglong time so it was a bit strange and confusing. So she says "alright this will be fast, when did your dad die" and i told her april 29th 2008. and she said that last night she had a dream about my dad and me when i was a kid that we were standing outside a house having a "father daughter moment" like hugging and stuff.

 I went to Brad's apartment building at first light this morning. Left flowers on the stoop again and prayed for him and his soul. Stared at the last place I saw my son, the last place I touched him. Tears pouring. I still don't quite believe it and I dread the time I do. This is so unbearable how much worse to really believe and accept it. I miss him. I hurt for the family and friends who miss him, enjoyed him, need him. Thank you Chad for the note it helps, it's good to know his friends still have him with them.