Hey brother. Just wanted to tell you that we got your stuff back!  The Chicago Police Department does NOT get to keep anything of yours. Victory.

Long battle, sweet victory.


Did anyone know Brad was good with pets?

Brad taught me something last night.  I had this odd pet... I don't know what the hell it was, but it started off small and soft and lively.  Damn thing kept getting out of the little pen I made for it.  I needed to put it somewhere so I could build the right kind of cage for it.  I needed something with smooth sides so that it couldn't climb out, but I couldn't let go of it without fear it would get loose.  I set it in a bucket for the time being, but I realized that what was in the bucket might not be good for it.  I pulled it back out right away, but it was covered in filth, and I thought I needed to wash it quickly.  While trying to wash the fur and not hurt it, it somehow turned into an insect.  Now it was some kind of a beetle or cockroach-looking thing.  Not that I cared for it any less...

Amazing Man

“What an amazing man.” Words from my reading at Brad’s funeral. Today I want to say it again. I have spent the last two hours going through his book list, seriously going through it. I am only part of the way through it.  In the past, I have glanced and skimmed, but nothing really caught my eye. Today I just wanted to see what he had. I would like to pick out a book or two to read. Well, I started at the top of the list and if the title did not tell me exactly what the book was really about, I typed it into Amazon to see what the book was. The titles are really no indication as to what the book is about. Well now I have a list a mile long already and I want to hop in the car and go get them, right now. I want my hands on them, I want to read them, all, now! Wow, I can see how Patrick got so fired up  about the books. What a collection Brad has. I am sorry Patrick, that we did not have a way to get them to you immediately.

Still getting harder

Well, his birthday was hard, so hard. But then the holidays came. I don't know why, but it feels like things are supposed to stop. Christmas should not come anymore because he is not here. But still, yes still, I don't really believe it. Now we are in 2009, a year he was not in. I  so did not want the year to change. I just feel sick lately. Sick of him not calling me, or stopping in, or something. I miss him and there is so much he needs to know. Why won't he just call. I have things I need to ask him. I miss you Brad, I miss you to the point  that it pains my every cell in my body. I can't even feel your presence and it hurts. I have shut down inside. 2008 has taken more from me than all the years in my life combined. I have seen more death this year that ever. I should be glad to enter a new year, but I hate moving forward without you. I HATE IT. Time won't stop, life won't stop. I have guilt for living, but my kids are who I need to live for, not just be alive, but live. You know, I know you do, but I am sorry. I love you baby brother, I will always be proud to be your sister.

Crappy New Year


Heather's picture

Today I was thinking... about a lot, as usual. And a friend called me asking e what my plans for New years Eve are. I said... well jeez, considering I have no job or money probably celebrate with my dog in my new house. Which sounds absolutely wonderful to me. This got me thinking about the past year and I got so angry. It was the type of angry that if I was with anyone at the time they would have seen it in my face - they probably would have experienced it as I am not the best at directing my anger in the proper places. I just realized what a TERRIBLE year it has been. I started the year so happy and joyful last year - and this year I just want to say goodbye to this 2008 piece of trash. I've lost so much, we've all lost so much. that it just pisses me off... and its so bad to the point - I really can't even be happy about it being over because I guess its really not... the things and the people we have lost we can't get back. So the only thing that can come from the next year is more pain from the same losses... I know thats the pessimistic way of looking at things and I'm being uber depressing.

Happy Birthday

November 28th, 2:28 a.m.

Happy Birthday Brad.

I love you and I like you.

I value and treasure you.

I admire and respect you.

I am always proud of you.

I enjoy you and I am grateful for your sense of humor and your awesome music. You are so valuable. So loved, loving and caring.

A good son, very protective, willing to talk and listen, thoughtful. You did so much for me around the house and yard, thought of things I didn't.

If I

If I put it on paper.

If I put it in a song.

If I put it in a poem.

If I put it in words.


Does it all go away?

Does it stop hurting?

Does he hear me then?

Does he know how we feel?

Will it all go away?

They Say

They say a mother's tears are magic.

They say wrong.

They say silence is golden.

They say wrong.

They say time heals all wounds.

They say wrong. NOT THIS ONE!


Linda ,'Hey Old Woman"



glow little glow worm

I heard it in a Starbucks a couple weeks ago and it had me in tears. I had forgotten all about it.

Brad used to sing this to Emily when she was little little. Emily had the croup when she was about 10 months old and was very very sick. We got her a glow worm doll (remember those?) when she was in the hospital. She LOVED it and carried it all over the place. It got Brad singing this song to her and he sang it all the time, especially at bedtime. So sweet.


I'm still really angry

I found some more photos of brad. I emailed them to

The last time I saw brad, he was surprised to hear from me. He said he thought he'd never see me again. i thought that was preposterous and promised to randomly show up every 5 to 10 years. But that was it. That was all there was.

At least I have that night though. At least we got to sit there, in the Hi Pointe over beers, and reminisce for a while. That's a really lame excuse for closure for me, but it's all I have.

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