I've moved my desk at work a few times in the last few months, and didn't know when I would move again... they were supposed to be fairly short-term moves.  I just took what I needed to work with, and Brad's picture did not go with.  I just put it up again today.  There is a guy that sits by me, and I was sort of disgusted to watch him throw his scratch paper in the regular garbage.  I was really disgusted to see him do this on a regular basis.  What bothers me more than anything is that this is an engineer with five kids...

we have all wished we could go back in time, but with what we know now, of course.  let me please go back in time with only one thing from this day.  only one thought.  one thing that i would not know why it keeps flashing in my brain all the time.  i'll forsake getting rich by knowing the future.  i'll give up the knowledge that i could have gotten laid sooner and more often with more girls.  i just want to bring one thought back with me and i will go through all the pain just the way it was, except for how i would use this...

help brad always.

Add your memories to this... please.  I hope more comes back to me, because this is a short list right now.  I'm not pulling any punches because I want to remember everything.  Unfortunately the bad things are the ones that are easier to remember.

I remember playing "crab" with Kris and Brad.  One of us would curl up on the floor between the two beds and cover their eyes.  The other two would jump from bed to bed trying not to get caught by the crab.  We all thought later how horrible this must have sounded to Mom and Dad downstairs.

...

Recently we found out that there have been problems with getting registered on the website. The  problem is now fixed and everything should work correctly.

Hey brother. Just wanted to tell you that we got your stuff back!  The Chicago Police Department does NOT get to keep anything of yours. Victory.

Long battle, sweet victory.

Brad taught me something last night.  I had this odd pet...

“What an amazing man.” Words from my reading at Brad’s funeral. Today I want to say it again. I have spent the last two hours going through his book list, seriously going through it. I am only part of the way through it.  In the past, I have glanced and skimmed, but nothing really caught my eye. Today I just wanted to see what he had. I would like to pick out a book or two to read.

Well, his birthday was hard, so hard. But then the holidays came. I don't know why, but it feels like things are supposed to stop. Christmas should not come anymore because he is not here. But still, yes still, I don't really believe it. Now we are in 2009, a year he was not in. I  so did not want the year to change. I just feel sick lately. Sick of him not calling me, or stopping in, or something. I miss him and there is so much he needs to know. Why won't he just call. I have things I need to ask him. I miss you Brad, I miss you to the point  that it pains my every cell in my body.

Today I was thinking... about a lot, as usual. And a friend called me asking e what my plans for New years Eve are. I said... well jeez, considering I have no job or money probably celebrate with my dog in my new house. Which sounds absolutely wonderful to me. This got me thinking about the past year and I got so angry. It was the type of angry that if I was with anyone at the time they would have seen it in my face - they probably would have experienced it as I am not the best at directing my anger in the proper places. I just realized what a TERRIBLE year it has been.