I am Kristin, I am Brad’s sister. I wanted to say a little something about my reading as I would have when it was read at my brother’s service. I was not able to speak freely. The only way to keep it together was to read. If I could have spoken. I would have had a lot to say. Now a bit more than a month later, I can say I feel worse, not better. I have discovered so much about Brad that I never knew. There are so many things I want to ask him about and talk to him about. We normally were able to have great conversation, long conversations. But there is so much more I wish I had a chance to talk to him about. When I wrote this, it just happened. I am not a “writer”. I have tried many times. What you will read is the product of deep emotion with the outlet being a pen and paper. I did not revise it, I did not think about it, I just wrote it as it came out of my head two days after I found him.
I will walk through this life with a deep aching hole
forever unfilled
I will cry many tears
not able to stop
My world not the same
changed
less the presence of one
I cannot bear the pain
but somehow I’ll go on
My memories will save me
My babyest brother, my laughter , my smile.
The gifts he gave me, I’ll find them again
He NEVER gave me shame,
no matter what, when or where.
Just pride and tall shoulders, I so loved to wear.
He made me so proud of his kind caring heart.
His mind so hungry for all it could have,
he never stopped learning and growing.
What an amazing man.
His reading, his music, his biking, his joys.
His daughter, his love
he needed her so, she’d gave him the smile he’d lost long ago.
Don’t know how I’ll go on without Brad in this world,
but I will, he would want that,
so on I will go.
This is another batch of thoughts that came out of my head a few days later. The same thing, no revisions. But it has much more format and rhyme. I love the words, but I feel has more rhyming than I would like. But by changing it, what it is is lost. did not read this at the service, I just have kept it for me.
My brother, my buddy, my pal and my friend.
Who would believe that this is the end.
The end of my time with you,
the end of the road
We were supposed to be able to see each other grow old.
To laugh, and to cry, to smile and share,
to be brother and sister and to always be there.
Our family, your kids, but mainly you,
we have all been robbed of these things still to do.
Your life was not over,
it had hardly begun.
You struggled, you suffered, but still so much to be done.
Your pain and your misery, your goods and your bads
The drugs gave you freedom, from all of the sad.
We all love you so, we pray that you knew,
the praying and hoping, it’s all we can do.
To live without you, it cannot be done,
but somehow we do it, from dusk until dawn.
One day at a time, with this unbearable pain,
this life I am living, never again the same.
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