I have always felt so jealous of the people that got to dream about you, I have had only a dream or two with you in it. It just seems like if someone is dreaming about you they are kind of spending time with you and that is what I am jealous of.   

Just stopping by to say hello. I can't believe it's been over a year. geez, it still doesn't seem right.

I meant to do it for over a year now, but I got my tattoo for you. You already know what it means, but it is Japanese Kanji symbols meaning "Peace Baby Brother" . It's still healing in this picture and looks a bit grungy, but you get the idea. 

I just got my weekly letter from Emily......loved this part......

in my last letter I asked her what her favorite memory of Brad was.....this was her answer:

"My favorite memory of Dad....hmmm theres so many...probably going to the record store when we moved to Chicago we bought a Kenny Loggins record and put him in the booth at Maxwells and fed him lemons.That was a great day, but there are so many great memories."

The film is "Buffalo '66". It's one of my favorites, too. In fact, we watched it together. I remember him telling me how he could relate in some ways to Vincent Gallo's character, Billy.

Here's the trailer: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1102840089/

Also, a review of the film:

http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/review?res=9B07E3DA173AF930A35757C0A96E9...

Marianne and I went to Brad's apartment. I talked to him, said a prayer and we left flowers (white) on the stoop where he used to sit and play his guitar. The day we moved his things, a neighbor came down and told us how much he enjoyed that and what a nice guy Brad was. I’ve been playing the cd Brad had in his player, I don’t know the name of the band, it’s in very stylized writing. The name of the cd is “Break The Cycle”.  A line from one song is “I didn’t mean to slip away”.

I love you a bushel and a peck.

A bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck.

Love, Mom

Pain Sucks!

And yet, we live in a culture that seems to require it, especially in our relationship – really a lack of relationship-with the dead.    All of us are afraid to let go of the pain we feel about Brad, and we’re right.   Without the constant reminder of the pain, Brad will cease to exist.

I just want to start by thanking all those involved in making this site possible. It has been an ally in what has been an ongoing battle with the realization that this is reality. Marianne, Kris, Kate, and Patrick amongst many others to us out there even the silent ones that cannot bring themselves to add to this site it is a solace. And for that I must always thank you.

It feels like it's happening again. Only this time, I know ahead of time. This morning I watched the clock, knowing that sometime late morning he went to the bookstore and bought a couple of books. I have been dreading 10:18 pm all day. I know, at 10:18 pm, he made his last phonecall. I know he made 100 phonecalls everyday. Then at 10:18 pm, it all stopped. Now I am just here, feeling sick, wishing I had a bottle of something to start drinking. I don't know any more times after 10:18, but I have reasons to think 12:09 a.m. holds significance.