Happy Birthday Braden. 

I miss you. The empty place isn't getting any smaller-it just keeps getting bigger and emptier.  I am so sorry Son.  You should be living your life.  I am still aware of you, you are with me constantly. You, Marianne, Kristin and Patrick. It's always been that way, it will always be that way and I will still always worry! 

I love you and I like you,

Mom

Brad gets a full moon for his birthday! or..........maybe he gave us a full moon. 

 Hey man, I could use some advice here. Or one of our 3+ hour conversations or something. Smmething? Help me out. I really do not want to see what is at the end of the rope but I am losing my grip. Pick up the phone and call me. 

So my friend from wyoming kept calling me today during work. And I was thinking why would she keep calling me if it wasn't an emergency. And then she texted me telling her to call her ASAP and so i did and I havent spoken to her in a longlonglong time so it was a bit strange and confusing. So she says "alright this will be fast, when did your dad die" and i told her april 29th 2008. and she said that last night she had a dream about my dad and me when i was a kid that we were standing outside a house having a "father daughter moment" like hugging and stuff.

 I went to Brad's apartment building at first light this morning. Left flowers on the stoop again and prayed for him and his soul. Stared at the last place I saw my son, the last place I touched him. Tears pouring. I still don't quite believe it and I dread the time I do. This is so unbearable how much worse to really believe and accept it. I miss him. I hurt for the family and friends who miss him, enjoyed him, need him. Thank you Chad for the note it helps, it's good to know his friends still have him with them.

 I don't even know what to say. I need to say something and all my words are buried under all the nonsense going on right now. I need time to myself this week with a clear head and I don't think I am getting it. But I hope you know that although there is a severe lack of words, there is no lack of missing you or thinking about you. Miss you little brother. Not less every year but more. 

Brad,

I've always been interested in bicycling, and I'll leave the poetic waxing about why for another day.  As you're watching you'll know by interest and the luck of location and garage space, I've absorbed so much of your bicycle accessories.

I've used so many of those things over the last 4 years.  The bike stand, the trainer, a couple of tubes, and, now most recently, a spare set of pedals when one of mine went bad.   -Kept me riding until I could get the bad ones (warranty) replaced.

Was watching the movie Tron a day or so ago. Seeing the old stand up video games was crazy. You know Brad, it was crazy, I remember a time we had maybe 2 dollars between us and we walked all the way to Yorktown Mall because there was a video game arcade there that had a new wrestling game. Bet we spent 2 hours walking there only to play that game for maybe 15 minutes. LOL, was a blast. One of many fond memories.

Ok now you have Petey and Roxy and Payton. That should keep you busy.

Hey brother. I really do miss you. Lots of stuff is going on and I want to talk to you. I really need to talk to you. Heather is having brain surgery soon. Maybe you can try and watch over things a bit? I miss knowing you are here to call when I am in trouble. I miss the security. I miss you. I need your help Brad. Keep an eye on Heather though, thanks.

Happy Birthday Brad

A huge part of this pain is knowing that you are not living your life.

The rest is that we miss you so deeply and have to do without you. I am so sorry. Happy Birthday Son.

I love you and I like you.

Mom