Kris's blog

All is well....

All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

By Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

Each passing day

Each passing day sucks. I despise the passing of each day. I can't stand the thought of each day that goes by, puts me farther away from my life with him. The life when I had my brother, my mother had her son. I don't like this distance, not at all. I all out sobbed today when I saw the corner of the picture I keep in my truck was curling. The marks that time is leaving. The dust that was on the keys of his computer. The idea that there will be no more phonecalls, no more crude comments, no more visits, no more anything. Just tears. I miss you so much, I cannot stand it. I will find a way to talk to you, I love you little brother, I always did, I pray you knew.

Kris, less one

Coming your way


I sent my dog Roxy your way last night Brad,

she likes company so watch for her.

More goodbyes

No more labels


I would love to know.

I would love to know so much now that I did not know about Brad. It really tears me up that I cannot ask him about all the interesting things I am finding out about him. I always felt close to him, but yet I see I did not know even half of what there was to know about Brad. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time and there was so much we did not talk about. I am starting to see that I think there were many different Brad's. The Brad that was his mother's son, the Brad that was Patrick's brother, the Brad that was Marianne's brother, the Brad that was my brother. There was also the Brad that was Kate's husband and friend and Emily’s daddy. Then there was Brad that was Chad’s best friend and “wingman” in life. There was the Brad that his friends knew and the list goes on. As I talk to people and hear people talk, one constant is apparent. I am in awe at how deeply he really touched every person he came in contact with. He does not seem to have just been someone people knew, but someone that people loved. All people. I like to say he knew how much he was loved and liked, but how could he?

The Next Place by Warren Hanson

The Next Place by Warren Hanson

Thank You Chad

I want to thank you for your post. It seems as though you have given everybody else the green light to share their thoughts and hopefully get some of it out.  It is like permission has been given to vent and release a little. 

Thinking out loud

I have opened this page so many times, to post something, and I never got anything typed. I have this overwhelming need to talk, to type, to write about Brad. I just have not had one "organized" thought to write. So I don't write. But yesterday I spent a few hours with Kate and we just talked. And we mostly talked about Brad. It is really nice to have somebody who I can just talk to about Brad. I decided the heck with it, I have no one organized thought, I am just posting to let some of it out.

I cannot stand this pain. I do accept that it does not get better and I will learn to live with it. But I still believe that if I hold out long enough that he will come back. If I believe it's true, and I accept he is gone, then that makes it real and I am not ready for that.

I found out that Brad loved cherry blossom trees. He wanted a tattoo of a cherry blossom tree on his back. How neat. I love hearing about the simple tree he liked, or the dorky oldies song, or just the regular everyday things. Some might think these little tidbits would be boring, but to me they are almost as vital as daily nourishment.

Peace Symbol for tattoos

peace symbols

Ok well, I have been hunting and searching and I have got the Japanese Kanji symbol for peace. I have done enough hunting and research to be confident that this is the right one, but I still do now have the correct brush strokes, which I feel is very important. Here are some. They look quite a bit different from each other, depending on the style of writing, or calligraphy that is used. I will be working Brads name, birthdate, or initial into my tattoo somehow, but I have not figured that out yet. Here it is in a few different styles.

A new found friend of Brad's

One of his favorite Japanese paintings from the 18th century, and thought about buying a couple years ago


Here is an email that came in with the attached images. I encouraged her to sign up on the website. In the meantime here is what she sent. 

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