Kris's blog

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I remember your laugh. Your own unique laugh.

I remember the endless variety of smiles you had. Some of them very misleading. They were so you.

I remember your big bald head. Wish I knew then the amount of knowledge it was holding.

I remember your blankie.

I remember the damn Legos I always stepped on. Funny how I no longer am aggravated when I think of it.

I remember the last day I saw you, I was so pleased at you laughing at my jokes.

I remember feeling like a normal person. Not any more.

I remember when you were not in my head, all day, every day. It was okay to not think of you. 

I remember when this kind of stuff did not happen to us. It wouldn't happen to us.

I remember when I felt safe when you were here. Now I learned to feel safe because nobody can hurt me worse than you.

You took so much from us when you left, and you have no idea.

If I could only tell you the things that are still piling up inside of me. There is so much I need to say to you. So many things that have happened you should know about.

Feels so fast

Time goes by. It just keeps going. It feels like it is going faster and faster since April 2008. Like time is pushing me away from you, like I am supposed to start running. Strange. I am becoming resentful at the pain. It just follows me around like a fly. I have my book though. The notebook that gets to hold it. I  have been writing in it for two years now.

I miss you Brad. I miss you so much. I really thought you would be back by now. I am sorry I have not fixed this yet. I need to talk to you. There is so much going on and I want to tell you. Emily needs you. She needs you so much right now. I feel like I am sinking. Slowly sinking. I have so much going on right now that I cannot sit still for more than a few minutes, a day. It almost awes me how buried I am. So much to do. I guess keeping busy is what keeps me afloat. When I stop, you fill my head. Right now, I am stopped. It hurts. Sometimes, I am so so mad at you. Why did you take the risk? Why did you do this. This is such a mess and I can get it cleaned up, I can't fix it. But I am the repair man and I am supposed to find a solution. I can't find it.

Still not true

Happy Faces

I still think this will get better. If I keep trying, I will find a way to fix this. He is going to call. I can still hear his voice, clear as day in my head. Still hear his heh heh heh laugh. I still get mad at him. I still get sad. I still laugh at him. Well, ok, Brad, I am laughing with you!

Sure wish he could stop by soon though

The picture is complete. We are not.

It's lonely here

It's lonely here with no new stuff. I still come here every single day. Truly, every single day. I keep hoping something got added, pictures from the St Louis show, something new. We cannot get to the day when there is nothing new. Email anything you got. Anything.

More to come later today, we all know what today is. Today is ........

See the counter?

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See it at the bottom of the page? That is only since Christmas. You guys are here, have at it. Post something. I am still here at the very least, once a day checking. Usually twice a day. Feel free to add on.

Pictures?

send them to info@bradcassidy.com   they will come right to me. Thanks guys!

I'll get them up here for you.

St. Louis loves your brother!

I was told that more than once. I went down to the benefit/memorial show. What a great time that was! Everything seemed to go well. It was really good to meet people who love Brad and people I had met before. Again I apologize to all of you I met up here at the service and did not remember. Please understand that your presence was very important to us, I was really messed up then. Actually I sometimes still am. I did notice everyone that day, but it is a blur in my memory .

Rob, thank you so much!  Keep us posted on dates for future events. Let us know if you need more buttons or anything. A lot of people were asking about the video, we’ll keep you posted on that too.

The Truth

Just a quick post. From Brad's family. We know it all. We have seen it all. We know who Brad is/was. Put anything you want here. No story is off limits. You won't offend us, you won't shock us. We truly do enjoy all the stories. If it is to much for the front page of the website, we'll move it to the tidbits section with a warning. So please we love Brad the way he was. The true Brad. We do know it all, we just would love to hear the stories, see the pictures, etc.

Saturday: The Punk and Hardcore Scenes Gather for a Benefit/Celebration

Here's the link. There is some good information in here and a really nice thing about Brad.

It's November

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Got a huge blow the other day, it still hurts. It is one thing to talk to each other and mention things about Brad, it is another thing when unsolicited, I get an email from the family tree website I work on telling me about Brad. So, I log on to my computer and get an email that ancestry.com had found a clue that matches someone in my tree, I think oh cool, click on the link and bam!  The record matched Brad, it is the Social Security Death Index. Owwwwwww. It still hurts, it was like someone ran a semi into my gut. I laid my head down on my desk and sobbed like I haven't sobbed in months. For some reason the outside source, hitting me when I was not prepared in any way, was bad.

It's November, his birthday is coming on the 28th. There should be something that feels right, to do on this day, but I haven't thought of it yet. My Mom desperately wants me to find the picture of her pregnant with Brad, right now, while it's the same time.

Baby Brad

I have always felt so jealous of the people that got to dream about you, I have had only a dream or two with you in it. It just seems like if someone is dreaming about you they are kind of spending time with you and that is what I am jealous of.   

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