WARNING - mood RUINER

Today I was thinking... about a lot, as usual. And a friend called me asking e what my plans for New years Eve are. I said... well jeez, considering I have no job or money probably celebrate with my dog in my new house. Which sounds absolutely wonderful to me. This got me thinking about the past year and I got so angry. It was the type of angry that if I was with anyone at the time they would have seen it in my face - they probably would have experienced it as I am not the best at directing my anger in the proper places. I just realized what a TERRIBLE year it has been. I started the year so happy and joyful last year - and this year I just want to say goodbye to this 2008 piece of trash. I've lost so much, we've all lost so much. that it just pisses me off... and its so bad to the point - I really can't even be happy about it being over because I guess its really not... the things and the people we have lost we can't get back. So the only thing that can come from the next year is more pain from the same losses... I know thats the pessimistic way of looking at things and I'm being uber depressing. And I truly am sorry but I needed to let some of it out somewhere because its getting to the point I feel like I swallowed a bowling ball and it's sitting right between my heart and my throat.... and I don't know if anyone else has ever felt that but it actually physically hurts! Thats all I've got to say for now.