unfortunately there are only two, but I'm hoping to dig up more. A friend randomly sent this to me today and said, "isn't that your friend Brad?"
http://www.flickr.com/photos/lorri37/sets/436992/
I've been thinking about Brad a lot lately. I've never stopped, but lately he just seems to be popping up more and more. Something funny will happen and I will think, "oh man, Brad would've loved that." The other night I took the long way home (the long way home passes right by his old apt) Just as I was about to pass it I got stopped at a railroad crossing. I sat there for a good 10 mins, just staring at his old apt. I thought about all the times I would pick up him up or drop him off. I just thought about dumb stuff like how many times brad watched this same train go by. I miss Brad.
I have a somewhat funny story, you might not think it's all that funny but I do. For the longest time I tried to get a record off Brad, Mecht Mensch - an old WI band. I would see him out and we'd bs about whatever. Whenever we got on the subject of records or recent scores. I would say, "what's it going to take for me to get that record?" He would just smile and say, "I'm never giving it up, I got rid of it once and it took me forever to get it back" I wasn't deterred. I would go to his apt and I'd look through his records. Everything had a price, but not that one. UGH!! Brad always had good records. He had the collection you'd go through and every two seconds find yourself saying, "JESUS! where did you get this one??" I was always envious of it as were all of our friends. You'd go to Brad's then come home and look at yours and think, "pfft, what a pile of junk." Well about a month or so ago I came across an old punk selling his entire collection. It was filled with AMAZING records. A pricetag of $1000 would've been overly reasonable. I tried to contain my excitement and asked how much the guy wanted, "$200" I was so grateful I paid him $400. The weird thing was it wasn't that the guy didn't know what he had. He knew exactly how much each were worth. I have no idea why he was just selling them outright for so cheap...and I didn't want to waste time asking why for fear he might change his mind:-) As I drove away with my car filled to the bring with record crates, the first thing that I thought was, "BRAD! THIS WAS ALL YOU!" He knew how much I wanted that record, and he did me one better. There's no doubt in my mind that Brad was looking down on me that day. I've told this story to dozens of people and I always make sure to include the part about Brad hooking this up. ha.
I have something really awesome and Brad related to share with you but it's not going to be for awhile. Trust me you'll love it.
Comments
patrick
Great story!
Mon, 10/06/2008 - 11:31pmRob, that is a great story. I don't think it was funny, though. I'd call it heartwarming instead! You are like me, too... I would never completely take advantage of someone. That is badass that you gave the guy $400.
I look at the people I have called friends over the past 15 years... the people who I didn't grow up with. I just can't find where any of them compare to Brad's friends. The people that have filtered through my life? May have had one or two gems in there. Brad knew some good people.
Thanks for sharing. We all look forward to what you have teased us with. Couldn't just not tell us anything, could you... bastard.
Kris (not verified)
Rob, I have waiting to see
Tue, 10/07/2008 - 7:29amRob,
I have waiting to see you here. I bet you are full of awesome stories and I hope you take the time to tell us every one of them. We will never stop reading. Brad did that, I know it. Who else could make that happen.
Right now I am crying so hard it is really difficult to see the keyboard. The past couple weeks have been really really hard and getting worse. I This has happened before, I feel not to bad and all of the sudden a “wave” comes and for a week or two I am super depressed. Then it gets not so bad again. I have had a couple waves and what is strange is that every time I get a wave, it seems like every one else is real down at the same time. People call me and tell me they are having a hard time lately and stuff. Well the past couple weeks I have been down and getting worse, but this time is different. It is worse. I started to suspect one of the “waves” when a couple comments from my Mom made it seem like she is there also, then Chad posted, then my brother Pat posted, and Pat posts irregular. Then we get a new mystery person signed up on the website and Rebecca signs up and posts, and people just keep going lately. You were the clincher Ed, we are in one hell of a wave. Something is up. You my friend are a “site” for sore eyes. When I am really depressed something new on this site is like whiskey to a drunk and candy to a kid. It saves me. Then to top it off you got pictures!!!! As soon as I am done typing this, I will be posting those pics. Rebecca just sent some pictures yesterday also and I am thrilled. Anything you find, we can add. I have a spot on the site for no so pretty things. Thank you for the story! You might have saved me today. I can’t wait to see what you are up to, I am going to go nuts waiting. Thanks Rob, I am really relieved to see you are still out there and with us. I don’t want anybody to be hurting, but it is so comforting to me to see Brad friends continue to be here.
Kris
Kris (not verified)
Thanks for the pictures!
Thu, 10/09/2008 - 7:15amAwesome pictures! Thank you for sharing right away. I got them posted up here. There are more pictures I will be posting too that have surfaced, but I am waiting on permission from people other than Brad in the pics. They are really cool and I don't want to crop them if I don't have to, they are really Brad, just the way they are. Keep your eyes open for them in the image galleries and pictures, drawings, anything is always welcome! We'll find a place for it.
Kris
chad
kris your right something is up and i think i know what it is
Thu, 10/09/2008 - 8:56amits the calender, i am not good the maths but i looked and it is damn near six months since he passed. Missin my friend like crazy right now. I think internally we all have noticed the time that has passed since he left. I think i just really need a brad moment right now. one more guffaw.
-chad
p.s. I have decided that during the thanksgiving holiday when junior is in town we will spend one day devoted to all things brad and visit the botanical gardens etc. hope all is well for the family cassidy and that time indeed heals all.
Kris (not verified)
I am glad someone else sees it too
Thu, 10/09/2008 - 1:05pmBrad's birthday is November 28th, the day after thanksgiving, we are doing something but do not know what yet. I wish you could come up here! Maybe we can get down there. I have a tattoo to get also. I have decided what I am getting and I crave it like nobody's business. Somehow stamping something for Brad on my body is something I need to do, and I mean need. I feel like something is brewing, something bigger than just time. All of a sudden everything is active, like a volcano. Why has everyone suddenly gotten active on the site. Why are my feelings of depression and misery so suddenly so dominant? I don't know, I hope that means that somehow he is around, closer than usual. Something, but maybe it is just time, but my wound is bleeding fresh blood again. I hope he pays one of us a visit soon for reassurance. My shoulder is aching for the comforting touch. I am glad you guys are getting together, that's great Jr is coming down.
Check your email, I got a bunch of pictures from Rebecca and I don't want to put them up the way they are until I get the ok from everyone. You'll see when you check your mail. It is really nice to get pictures, I hope more people come up with stuff too. I'll put just about anything up they send me. Still working on the audio.
Take care of your heart and mind, and again, I am so glad your here
Kris
chad
Randumb Ramblings
Thu, 10/09/2008 - 9:25pmi've already seen those pictures and am ok with their content. Not exactly shockingly the mayor of juana is a constant theme in pictures of brad and I. Rebecca is an old friend of Brad and mine in fact she was in a band with both of us. She may even be the photographer at my wedding (check out her website www.rebeccabolte.com she is really good). I am somewhat reassured to hear that someone else is having a grief resurgence, though I sympathise with you for the results of it. Maybe you are right that just some arbitrary time marker looming is not the source of what is going on and maybe it is merely coincidence that there is a sudden surge in our emotions and activity on this site. I really do not have any idea why I am feeling the way that I am right now, but the fact of the matter is apparently this is something that I am going to have to learn to deal with this for the rest of my life. I have sent out a text to a bunch of people with regards to nov. 28th being the day we honor Brad and spread his ashes around various places in st.louis. I have not heard back yet but i think it is a good day to do it so we will see. I love this place and will be here at random for as long as it exists. Thank you again for here. Thank you again for you. I have more to say but will save it for some day when I am not rambling due to work related stress.
-chad
Kris (not verified)
Continued ramblings
Fri, 10/10/2008 - 5:18amSorry, I think work related stress exists till you retire, if you are lucky enough to get to retire. I have taken so much comfort in your words and and your "company" in this place/world that stole from me. This world is different now and my whole everything has changed. My place in my family, my place in life, who I felt I was and everything I believed has been picked up and smashed to the ground. I was me, Kris with one older sister and two baby brothers, who I would kill for. Now I don't even feel like Kris anymore and I feel this desperate need to go back to the girl that thought she should be the protecter and take care of Pat. I use to be bigger than them so I was their protector, but they grew a lot bigger than me and got into troubles I could not take care of. I'll never forget when we were in our 20's and my Mom came over and told me that Pat had gotten into some kind of scuffle at a bowling alley and some guy punched him. But this guy had punched him so hard that Pat was out before he even hit the floor. The rage that I felt and the desire to go kill this big man was unbearable. Thank God I was not there at the time, I am sure my mouth would have wrote a few checks my girl body could not cash! But Brad, he was my babyest brother, the need to protect and take care of him was strong. He was the baby, and although he was the biggest, he was the baby. I don't know why him being gone now should have any effect on everything, but it does. All of my memories, growing up and as adults, they all feel different. I thought I was smarter than Brad, now I find out he was smarter than at least me and probably the rest of us too. That butt face has put me at the bottom of the brains food chain! I just know I would have played with him more when we were little if I knew he was not always going to be there like he was supposed to. I am lost without his presence in this world. I have so many things to tell him. The past few months I have not been able to tell him stuff and so it sits inside of me unspoken and it is becoming a ball of crap in my throat, unspoken crap. It is getting bigger. I need to talk to him is all I keep hearing in my head. Ok, sorry, I am typing and I am not even looking anymore at what I am writing and I bet I am not even making sense anymore. Normally I look back at the shit I spit out of my keyboard and say DELETE, but I am not looking back and I wil leave it. Don't get scared, I am not nuts. I do know we need a spell check feature up here though. I hope you never stop rambling
Kris
patrick
The bowling alley incident...
Fri, 10/10/2008 - 2:04pmSince this has to do with Brad, I'll explain...
Brad, a bunch of friends, and I went to a "Rock and Roll Midnight Bowl," which was just bowling into the early hours of the morning with a couple of huge speakers set in the lanes and blaring music. I was 16 or 17 years old, which puts Brad at 15-1/2 or 16. Brad was trying to play an arcade game, and this short, stocky motorcycle guy was giving him crap. This guy was way older than us... you have seen the pictures... Brad and I looked our age. I kept an eye on the situation. When the guy pushed Brad into the bathroom I figured it was time to act. Early morning hours at a bowling alley, that bathroom was probably empty and not monitored. I went in after them, told the guy that Brad was 15, and appealed to his greater good to pick on someone older. The next thing I knew, the guy was helping me off the ground and Brad was gone. The guy said something about me taking the punch really good - I guess I was standing for a few seconds before I crumpled. He actually walked me out of the bathroom before going back to the pool tables to cause more trouble. I was really disappointed in my friends for doing nothing. One of them was a pretty solid, big football player, too.
We left the bowling alley, which was a long way from home. I dropped off people at several houses and went home. The next morning I remember NOTHING from the time we left to the time I woke up at home. Scary since I drove! We weren't drinking or doing anything else.
To this day I still think about breaking a pool cue over that drunk fuck's head. Drunk or not, why would you pick on a KID?
Kris (not verified)
In a band?
Tue, 10/14/2008 - 5:59amI did not know you too were into the music thing? What did you play and tell me more. I ask a lot of questions because I am trying to piece together the parts of his life I don't know about, the parts now I can't ask him about. Plus, I think that is crappy that I did not know that about you. I had kids young and got caught up in my own life and world many years ago, that kept me from spending teenage years with Brad and Pat and I am very jealous of Pat's memories of that time period. My memories from young kids has faded and for some reason I remember mostly nothing of being a kid. I want any information I can get about Brad now, and I am curious. I think you should be a guitar player, write some awesome songs with some of those amazing words that come out of your brain.
patrick
Another story and more gushing mushiness about his friends...
Sun, 10/12/2008 - 12:06amThis post got me commenting on Brad’s friends and telling a story. I have another story about Brad and I, and it makes me think again how lucky Brad was to have friends like he did... it fits well into the direction this post has gone.
Brad and I were at the mall with our mom, and I doubt I was older than 14 and Brad was 12 to 13. They went to the bathrooms while I waited out by some clothing racks. A few minutes after they went in, a guy came out. As he walked by me, he said, “You have a nice ass.” Drop your jaw on the ground and sit in silence for the next minute. You’ve just experienced my reaction. So you don’t get totally grossed out, this was not a man, it was a very young man, probably 20 at the most.
Anyway, I have always been one to take things in stride, so I was back to myself by the time Brad and my mom came out. I’m going to admit now that I was a very sheltered child. I don’t know where the heck all the other kids learned the things they learned, because I was clueless about most of the “dirty” things, even at fourteen. An example that is worth the interruption is about a really old, probably really bad television show called B.J. and the Bear. C’mon, you remember... the guy and the monkey?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AsqKQptTdQ
Anyhow, I am at the dinner table with the family one evening, and we are talking about the show being on later. I laugh and say, “Blow Job McKay.” I remember everyone stopping. Time stood still. I think Kris spit out some food or something. Someone asked me if I knew what that meant, and I replied sheepishly, because I knew I’d done something wrong, that it meant he couldn’t hold a job. Lest you think I was completely sheltered, this was WAY before the age of fourteen, so cork it.
Back to the story. So Brad comes out, then my mom comes out. Brad says to my mom, “There was a guy in there that said I had a nice ass.” I don’t recall my mom’s reaction, even though I told her the guy had said the same thing to me as he walked by. I don’t recall her reaction because I was busy realizing that it was a cheap compliment, and that he didn’t even SEE my ass before he said that! I’m glad I didn’t reply, “I bet you say that to all the boys.” because I would have been RIGHT!
Fast forward a couple weeks, and I am in the mall with a couple of my friends. I see the guy. I tell them the story and say that we have to go after him. I don’t know why. It wasn’t about concern that he may pick up a boy someday, which is actually a valid concern. It wasn’t that I was taught to beat up fags, because I wasn’t and I didn’t even really know what “gay” was at that time. It wasn’t even my friends pushing, because it was all my idea. I was angry for some reason. I didn’t even know what we were going to do. In the end, we followed him and harassed him for awhile, and he truly looked scared. He finally stopped and said he didn’t know what we were talking about. I told him it was not a good idea for him to come back to this mall and tell boys that they had nice asses. That was all I could say, because I didn’t know anything else.
Although I didn’t really dwell on it, I had a very bad taste in my mouth over “homos” for a long, long time. I was even a bit bitter. As I got older, I started hanging out at the Gothic/Industrial/Alternative scenes. There was always a gay element mixed in the crowd. Eventually, I actually had some very good friends who were gay, and I would drive an hour to hang out with them. They were fun, interesting, good people. I couldn’t be very outspoken about my friends being gay, though. I certainly wouldn’t mention it at work! Part of that stems from being seemingly eternally single and knowing what people might think. Caring what they might think only had to do with preserving my job.
Now we get to Brad’s friends. From the first night I met Junior, he would spout off about not having any problem with gay people. This wasn’t just someone trying to look worldly, it was more, “and if YOU have a problem with fags, you can fuck off.” I warmed up to Junior right quick... and found that the punk scene is a live and let live culture, for the most part.
Living in Seattle, I certainly see the punk culture in all its forms. Although I don’t go out much anymore, I would dress up to go to the clubs, but I was never a 24-hour, seven day a week punk/goth/whatever you want to call me. I always looked at the appearance as an escape, not a way of life. I was assuming that the appearance was the culture for the 24-7 crowd. Yes, there are shallow poser punks who only realize the fashion statement aspect, but the true punk does have a way of thinking. I am impressed with the fervor with which the true punks live their lives, and they are often living by noble values.
I have a lot more to learn, but I am truly interested after hanging with Junior. No, I don’t consider him a messiah. I think he needs as much help as I do. I also have been impressed with what I have learned about Brad’s other friends through Junior and this website and the memorial, um, ah, do you call it an “after party?” As an aside, I now also have a greater appreciation for a German movie I saw called, “What To Do in Case of Fire.” The beginning of this movie is worth watching over and over again. I hope, as you old punks get older, you can bring each other back from the ugly world and remind one another that you still have values. That you can still stir it up and make a difference. I’ve watched as some of my dreams and beliefs have slipped away because I work too hard to make a living, and I am getting tired and old. You punks must find it increasingly difficult to live the lives you want to live as you get older... the feeling of giving in and just putting in my time SUCKS for me. I can imagine what it must be like to have more ideals.
I have not laid down yet, but I am longingly looking at the bed. You and Brad have inspired me to stay up past my bedtime.