As I walk through the streets of the city I see so much.
Do you know what I see?
I see “homeless” people. “Homeless” people, possibly even begging. Do you know why there “homeless”? I bet you think you do.
I see "rich people”. Well they must be “rich” and “snobby” if they can throw their money around on Michigan Ave. with no troubles and no worries. Or maybe they could just be somebody like my daughter, walking to school or work scraping together pennies, trying to make ends meet and doing the best they can.
“Ugly people”
“Scary people”
“Stupid people”
“Drunks”
“Drug addicts”
“Junkies”
and the list goes on. “Ugly”, “scary”, “stupid” and so on? To me at least and probably to everyone else. To me? Why? Because that’s what I think, or thought.
Why does what I think give me the power to apply a label to someone, based on the cover.
“Ugly”. How fair is that? Maybe to me, but I am just one person. And when did I forget the truth is, true beauty is way more than appearance.
“Stupid”? How do I know?! Is there a big label on that person? Or did I just throw one at them?
“Scary”? Why? Did they jump out of an alley and scare me? Or do they just initially display some of the other labels I so loosely throw around.
“Drunk”, “drug addict”, or “junkie”? What are those? “Worthless, “weak”, “stupid” people who can’t get their life together? More labels.
I QUIT!
Those and many others are the labels and judgments I so desperately did not want anyone to stick to my baby brother. First impression could warrant a judging label sticker like myself, to cover him with labels, based on his book cover.
My baby brother Brad. Died at age 36. He was 6”1, covered in tattoos and he died of a drug overdose.
What label does your brain give to that? But, did you even care to know that:
He bought and read over 300 books, most of which I could never even pick up and get through the first page of.
He played bass guitar, wrote music, sang and played in bands.
He put a smile on countless peoples faces.
He made two beautiful, smart and talented children.
He loved animals, especially rabbits.
He tried to improve the world by starting with himself. He cared about the environment and did his part to try to lessen his effect on it.
He was completely content to ride a bicycle to anywhere he needed to go. Yes, he had a license, but he loved to ride his bike.
He could draw pictures, write songs, and more.
He studies every religion, by choice.
He sat in on college courses, for fun.
His wit and his intelligence were shocking. Just when you think you knew everything, you found out there was even so much more.
So smart, so talented, so loved by everyone who knew him.
But, his book cover,
6’ 1”
200+ lbs
dark hair and a beard with a white patch in it
pierced ear, pierced lip
LOTS of tattoos
regular average clothes, probably even a punk rock band shirt
died of a drug overdose.
Well?
I will NEVER label again.
I will NEVER judge a book by it’s cover again.
How dare I expect others to not judge and label when I so often did.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Mother Teresa
Comments
chad
A Perfect Dichotomy
Sat, 08/02/2008 - 12:33pmI guess you found that voice that you mentioned in your comment. Simply perfect Kris, I absolutely love this post. You could not be more on point. Labels are for products not people, especially one as complex as your brother. Every person that took your brother at face value and did not delve deeper missed out on an exceptional soul.
chad
laurapearl
"Everything that irritates us
Sat, 08/02/2008 - 2:03pm"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to understanding ourselves."
-Siddhartha Guatama, Buddah.
patrick
oh, I was irritated and judging...
Tue, 08/05/2008 - 7:49pmLaura, I love the quote. I knew my mom enjoys fishing, so we went on Sunday. Towards the end of the day, a young man showed up. I don't really pay attention to people, so I didn't look closely. Later, someone else on the dock started talking to him, realizing that they knew the same people. He made a point of mentioning how he broke some guy's jaw and and caved in his cheekbone in one punch. His whole conversation was in the tone of stoned surfer slacker speak. I was laughing to myself when the mother he was telling this to (daughter close enough to hear his bragging) said, "look at you, what is up with the pants below your ass?" I switched to crying when I actually looked and he was trying to juggle a fishing pole and keeping his pants up.
Everything about this guy rubbed me the wrong way, except he did have a relatively kind face. I wasn't so irritated by him, but more the fact that he was mislead into thinking that this was all appropriate. He was obviously struggling to maintain the pants-around-the-ass fashion that was clearly inconvenient. That and his need to tell the dock, which consisted of a pre-teen girl and her extremely unattractive mother, my 64 year old mom, and 38 year old, unfashionable me about his essentially unprovoked violent behavior certainly irritated me. What I learned is that I wish I could explain to this kid about right and wrong and priorities on every level.
My mom said, "maybe someday he will grow up."
patrick
never...
Tue, 08/05/2008 - 7:25pmKris,
I started reading your blog, and then jumped ahead to see who had written it, meaning who you had copied it from. Nothing mentioned, so I read on. A little further into it, I was checking again for a reference as to who you got this from. Nothing. Reading on... When I got to the stuff that was about Brad, I was sort of shocked to realize that you had written this, Kris. Not that I don't respect your intellect (Mom has a card for you that communicates this). I was just impressed. Argh... you and Chad.... why does it take trauma and misery for your artisic expression to surface?
But, I tend to play Devil's advocate, much to Melissa's chagrin... she told me once that sometimes people just want to be mad. I can't help myself...
Never say never! You must judge people in order to protect yourself. You don't need anything from most people, so it doesn't hurt anyone for you to be wary. No, you shouldn't offer your opinion unsolicited if it will interfere with a person's opportunities. It is fair to express your concern about someone if asked, as long as you explain that you have no real experience with the person and that your opinions are merely impressions.
Let's say you are a male redneck, not necessarily perpetuating the more damaging and uncivilized character flaws that most rednecks and white trash display, but truly a redneck by upbringing and appearance and general lifestyle. You would be well advised to judge that guy with the tattoos as being someone potentially dangerous. It is smart to be aware. You don't need to feel guilty for judging after you realize that those are tattoos of VEGETABLES. What you haven't voiced is not an offense to anyone.