LindaMom's blog

I wish

 You loved hanging around in the bookstore and browsing. I wish you had hung around long enough to read those books you bought that day. 

Road Trip

Brad Loves road trips. :)) Thank you. 

Happy Birthday

 Happy Birthday Braden. 

I miss you. The empty place isn't getting any smaller-it just keeps getting bigger and emptier.  I am so sorry Son.  You should be living your life.  I am still aware of you, you are with me constantly. You, Marianne, Kristin and Patrick. It's always been that way, it will always be that way and I will still always worry! 

I love you and I like you,

Mom

Brad gets a full moon for his birthday! or..........maybe he gave us a full moon. 

Went today

 I went to Brad's apartment building at first light this morning. Left flowers on the stoop again and prayed for him and his soul. Stared at the last place I saw my son, the last place I touched him. Tears pouring. I still don't quite believe it and I dread the time I do. This is so unbearable how much worse to really believe and accept it. I miss him. I hurt for the family and friends who miss him, enjoyed him, need him. Thank you Chad for the note it helps, it's good to know his friends still have him with them. I believe and hope that on some level in some way Brad's friends will always keep him with them. 

I painted Brad's room here at my house, it was so hard to change what he saw, what he looked at. I started a wall of pictures over his computer desk. Please friends send snapshots so he can have more of his friends pictures there. Of course he is in the picture with you I will be really glad too! 

Goodnight Brad. I'll never let you out of my heart. Thank you for being you. Boy I miss your sense of humor. 

Happy Birthday Brad

Happy Birthday Brad

A huge part of this pain is knowing that you are not living your life.

The rest is that we miss you so deeply and have to do without you. I am so sorry. Happy Birthday Son.

I love you and I like you.

Mom

Birthday

Tomorrow is Brad's Birthday. The change in numbers hits me hard. That different digit in front makes it seem like a big leap away from him, though I know it's not, really. I don't think he would like this new numbr!

For the past few weeks with now "triggers" coming up, it has seemed very fresh. Tears pouring, doubled over pain with no warning or reason I could find. I wondered if anyone else was feeling this.

Miss you so much Brad.

Of course I am his mother so I can picture him safe inside of me because he wasn't born yet.

Mom

little boys

Dragons live forever, but not so little boys-

Went to Brad's

I went today to Brad's apartment and left red and white flowers. The red and white symbolize the purity, life, vitality and love he had.

Today

Today- is the last day I saw my Brad.

It seems like only two months. The pain is as bad as it always is, and yet as this time approaches, I could tell that my heart hurt - more?

How could it hurt more. And yet there is a difference. My stomach is tight and I feel worse and worse. I'm crying even more. I'm yelling even more - NO!  WE MISS YOU!  WE NEED YOU!

DON'T!  I'm half afraid to scream "Come Back", in case he has reached some Peace, but, sometimes it slips out.

All week- worrying, of knowing, of calling and calling, of knocking on his door and trying to talk to him through it - and open it- It's going to be another agonizing week. We need you Brad. Please - But I'm not sure please what. Don't let this be true, I guess.

Kill The Duck

I sure miss the game. I miss playing with you and Emily. You taught me how to play Kill The Duck and we played in restaurants all the time, and I really looked forward to it. Did anybody else play this game with Brad?

Mom

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