I went today to Brad's apartment and left red and white flowers. The red and white symbolize the purity, life, vitality and love he had.

Today- is the last day I saw my Brad.

It seems like only two months. The pain is as bad as it always is, and yet as this time approaches, I could tell that my heart hurt - more?

How could it hurt more. And yet there is a difference. My stomach is tight and I feel worse and worse. I'm crying even more. I'm yelling even more - NO!  WE MISS YOU!  WE NEED YOU!

DON'T!  I'm half afraid to scream "Come Back", in case he has reached some Peace, but, sometimes it slips out.

All week- worrying, of knowing, of calling and calling, of knocking on his door and trying to talk to him through it - and open it- It's going to be another agonizing week. We need you Brad. Please - But I'm not sure please what. Don't let this be true, I guess.

I sure miss the game. I miss playing with you and Emily. You taught me how to play Kill The Duck and we played in restaurants all the time, and I really looked forward to it. Did anybody else play this game with Brad?

Mom

Marianne and I went to Brad's apartment. I talked to him, said a prayer and we left flowers (white) on the stoop where he used to sit and play his guitar. The day we moved his things, a neighbor came down and told us how much he enjoyed that and what a nice guy Brad was. I’ve been playing the cd Brad had in his player, I don’t know the name of the band, it’s in very stylized writing. The name of the cd is “Break The Cycle”.  A line from one song is “I didn’t mean to slip away”.

I am so sorry Brad. You lost the most, and I hurt so hugely bad for your loss, but oh we lost so much too and MISS YOU.

I love you a bushel and a peck.

A bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck.

Love, Mom

We would love to hear from you, especially now. So please.....

Brad had asked me for a lamp I had and I gave it to him. He bought an energy efficient bulb for it (that's our Brad). It was on that night, and burned all week near him. I am turning that on today, and it wil stay lit all week for Brad and his light.

A YEAR?  No  way. Two weeks. MAYBE two months. But Kristin nailed it.  365 days of pain and emptiness and missing Brad. How can I have this big of an empty space inside of me and still hold so much anguish?  KEEP HIM WITH YOU FOREVER PLEASE. DON’T LET HIS ESSENCE SLIP AWAY FROM YOU. If it was different, he would hold any of you close to him always. I hurt. I miss him so so much. He told me so much but he would never tell me who saved him under similar circumstances. But he said “I am grateful” that he saved him. THANK YOU to that person.

November 28th, 2:28 a.m.

Happy Birthday Brad.

I love you and I like you.

I value and treasure you.

I admire and respect you.

I am always proud of you.

I enjoy you and I am grateful for your sense of humor and your awesome music. You are so valuable. So loved, loving and caring.

A good son, very protective, willing to talk and listen, thoughtful. You did so much for me around the house and yard, thought of things I didn't.

They say a mother's tears are magic.

They say wrong.

They say silence is golden.

They say wrong.

They say time heals all wounds.

They say wrong. NOT THIS ONE!

Linda ,'Hey Old Woman"