A year of something missing...

Wow, it really snuck up on me.  I just realized a few days ago, a whole year has gone by...

For the past two months or so I've been feeling like crap.  I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off, overworking myself, pushing myself, finding a million loose ends to pull my hair out over not being able to tie...trying not to think about something?....all this amidst dreary March/April weather.  For the past month I haven't experienced more than three days without a fever, runny nose or hacking cough.  No matter how much sleep I get, I still feel tired and run down.  No matter how much I accomplish, I still feel stressed and empty.  I think that we can often underestimate the subliminal effect that anniversaries have on us...especially unpleasant ones.  But often, no matter how much we unconsciously try to keep the pain out of our minds, our bodies won't let us forget.

I miss you, Brad.

Running around like a chicken ...

Me too.

I was in charge of picking the date for my non-profit organziation's annual meeting.   It's a lot of work, and I have to be there.

Guest what day I picked?  Tonight.

You also got me thinking about anniversaries, aren't they just arbitrary dates on a calendar?  But then, I realized that a year represents a real astrological cycle.  We've been around the sun once since we lost Brad.  The moon has circled us 12 times.

And it's the same time of year.  Whether we know or not, we know that the light is the same, and the weather is warmish, and the the plants are starting to emerge.  

We can know without knowing because being human ties us to nature and to each other.

I guess that means Brad is still with us in some interconnectedness-of-all-things-past-and-present way.

I'm going to believe it's true.