1 down a lifetime to go

chad's picture

I just want to start by thanking all those involved in making this site possible. It has been an ally in what has been an ongoing battle with the realization that this is reality. Marianne, Kris, Kate, and Patrick amongst many others to us out there even the silent ones that cannot bring themselves to add to this site it is a solace. And for that I must always thank you.

Now, I feel I must state again that I am not crazy. I understand that Brad is gone and does not log in to this site regularly. However, this is the one place that I feel like I can still talk to him.And I will never let a resource like that sit idle.


      Today as many days I honor you. You taught me so much. Sleep well my friend. I hope that your rest is peaceful. Though only your memory lives on it is still my best friend and all that I learned from your life and your death strengthen me for a life I wish you could be part of. One year is nothing, this is an anniversary that will remain. Hard as it is today it will grow no easier for every passing of this day will draw all of us farther from your living self. This is reality, but I can defy it,  just as we defied so many of the social norms I will look past this one. Your passing does not bring an end to our friendship, in fact if anything it solidifies it. I have never to worry about a petty argument or some conceived foul, you died in my/our good graces and there you will stay. I miss you damn near every day brother. But again you have taught me. Before your death I would never have hugged JR. and told him I loved him. Before your death I do not know that I was capable of telling Phil and Christian what an important and sustaining influence they have on me. After your death however I have cried and hugged and told them exacly what they mean to me. For this I thank you. From this and you I have learned that weakness is not leaning on a friend. Strength is having that friend to lean on. While I am dangerously close to writing hallmark cards with this shit, it still rings true to me.

Today sucks, just as it sucked a year ago. This will not change. What will change however is those that are left with this. To all those that have cried today or have cursed the god that took you from us. I say be not angry for what we have been robbed of us but thankful for what was given to us. Here was a man. Not perfect, but a man that aswered so many questions. Be angry not for those questions that are left unanswered. Be thankful for the time we were given with one who questioned for us. As always the teacher, and we better the student.


-chad "something witty, something reverant" hazelwood