If I
If I put it on paper.
If I put it in a song.
If I put it in a poem.
If I put it in words.
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If I put it on paper.
If I put it in a song.
If I put it in a poem.
If I put it in words.
I have this continuing need to do something. Everyday I must do something related to Brad. I do see that I go out of my way to prevent my wound from healing, I will admit it. I do not want to get better, I actually am afraid of getting better. Figure that one out.
All Is Well
Each passing day sucks. I despise the passing of each day. I can't stand the thought of each day that goes by, puts me farther away from my life with him. The life when I had my brother, my mother had her son. I don't like this distance, not at all. I all out sobbed today when I saw the corner of the picture I keep in my truck was curling. The marks that time is leaving. The dust that was on the keys of his computer. The idea that there will be no more phonecalls, no more crude comments, no more visits, no more anything. Just tears. I miss you so much, I cannot stand it.
I sent my dog Roxy your way last night Brad,
she likes company so watch for her.
More goodbyes
I would love to know so much now that I did not know about Brad. It really tears me up that I cannot ask him about all the interesting things I am finding out about him. I always felt close to him, but yet I see I did not know even half of what there was to know about Brad. We would talk on the phone for hours at a time and there was so much we did not talk about. I am starting to see that I think there were many different Brad's.
The Next Place by Warren Hanson
The next place that I go
will be as peaceful and familiar
as a sleepy summer Sunday
and a sweet, untroubled mind.
And yet….it won’t be anything like any place I’ve ever been…
or seen…or dreamed of
in the place I leave behind.
I won’t know where I’m going,
and I won’t know where I’ve been
as I tumble through the always
and look back toward the when.
I’ll glide beyond the rainbows.
I’ll drift above the sky.
I’ll fly into the wonder,
without ever wondering why.
I want to thank you for your post. It seems as though you have given everybody else the green light to share their thoughts and hopefully get some of it out. It is like permission has been given to vent and release a little.
I have opened this page so many times, to post something, and I never got anything typed. I have this overwhelming need to talk, to type, to write about Brad. I just have not had one "organized" thought to write. So I don't write. But yesterday I spent a few hours with Kate and we just talked. And we mostly talked about Brad. It is really nice to have somebody who I can just talk to about Brad. I decided the heck with it, I have no one organized thought, I am just posting to let some of it out.
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